StoneDog is now in possession of the TRAVELING FIDDLE in Warrendale, Pennsylvania. :-)
It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.
All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.
One man, popping his head out of his cubicle, said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working."
A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
From a Child's Mouth…
Several years ago, when I lived in New York and flew to customer sites often, my wife would usually drop me off at Newark (N.J.) airport and pick me up when I returned. On one trip, I was only going to be gone for a few days, so I drove
myself and parked the car at Newark.
When I returned, the weather was lousy, and it was late at night. I wanted nothing more than to get home to the comfort of my wife and my own bed. When I arrived, the storm was very loud, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I
came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children, Alex (3) and Cindy (12), in bed with my wife, Carolyn, apparently scared by the loud storm.
I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom
that night. They said okay.
After my next trip several weeks later, Carolyn and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds
of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.
As I entered the waiting area, Alex saw me and came running, shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As I waved back, I said loudly, "Hi, Alex! And what is the good news?"
"The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted.
The airport became very quiet as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his mom was.
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife. So he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband snorts: "'So does a case of 24 cans of Budweiser, and it's only half the price."
On the PA system: "'Cleanup on aisle 25. We have a husband down."
Received from Rick Widdison.
After Sunday school two little boys were standing in the church lobby. As they were talking a pretty little girl from their class walked by them.
One of the little guys said to the other, "When I quit hating girls, she's the first one I'm going to quit hating."
Excerpt from "The 10 Commandments of Love" by Larry Wynn.
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said, "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."
Received from Dennis.
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to the local cafe. He sat at the end of the counter, ordered a Coke, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he was quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll bust you in the mouth!"
Received from Andychap.
Not Hanging Around
O'Reilly was in a bit of a fix. He was filling in an insurance form and was asked to state how his parents had died. His mother was not a problem, she had died of a
coronary at the age of 71, but his father had been hanged for murder at the age of 46.
He did not want to say this, though, so after a bit of thought came up with a solution and filled in the form:
"My father died at the age of 46 when a platform collapsed at a public occasion."
Received from darksplash
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents always told me to be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where I am now…
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