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Played Star Spangled Banner tonight for some "family" I won't even go into the "whom of it.." ..but there were four adults and a toddler and an infant.
So I really was playing it for Abby..who was jumping up and down.."Nana's playing Bio-Lan" (her words)
I heard.."hey your hair looks pink.... I heard.. "oh did you post that????." No comments from two of them...(sort of ignored)all the time "Nana's playing Bio-Lan" was being the sound in the room... then maybe I heard .."oh that's good..".. Like you would say to a five year olds picture of something...that you don't even know what shape or animal, or what......."ohhh..that's nice" It was someone who might have been laughing at me.... or??
Basically..UGH... I just don't think I should be posting stuff. I have been reviewing it and I am in utter shock.. not so much at me... the video.. I am who I am and I am real and good with "me."
But the HORN sound and what others must be hearing.. I just don't know what to think or where to go with it POST, don't post??? The last two things I just posted... this is what I am playing.. I didn't do the 50 takes, just play and post... just playing and putting stuff out.
I guess the only thing I should post is what I am working on and post in the Critique place and keep learning, and listening and practicing. I should put out really rehearsed and quality stuff..not fun and practice stuff??
LEARN, PRACTICE, HEAR
Yes.. I will .. I played some tonight and I liked it enough... and well.. it is what it is.
Right? It's all good.
cheers
Toni
Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato
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@coolpinkone
Toni
Yes, please keep posting. It's a thing that will help you learn and it helps us, your friends, help you along the way. And we are 'really' interested in your progress
As you know, I have been posting on a regular basis since starting and the feedback that I get helps me to get better.
I alway post the best that I can do at the time and you rarely see my first takes. 
If it brakes more than ten, I give up till the next day 
I very rarely play for friends and family. But I do know what that 'Oh that was good.' And what the 'pat on the head' feels like LOL
Please keep posting 
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of 
..... What was I saying???? 
Honorary tenured advisor
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Toni, you forget I've been with you from the beginning. Ask me if you have improved? Ask me if I can see you enjoying it more?
I envy your confidence to just play and post. I have to do 51 or so takes before I'm just too tired to do any more, so that's what I post.
You're just too awesome to doubt yourself ... trust me ... don't doubt!
This is a cool pink one like you ...
If you think you can, or you think you can't, you're probably right.
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Thanks @Robyn.fnq and @Ferret ..
I will keep going and posted... Just hurt feeling and self doubt tonight.
Xo Toni
Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato
King
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@CPO: Now, now girl. You have to rethink possible.
Seems to me that Barry just went through this too and he regained his confidence. You can be your own worst critic along with family.
You just keep posting and we'll let you know when not to post. OK ? You're doing just fine.
Ken.
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Yes CPO > keep posting > you are becoming a fine player. I enjoy all your post.
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Thanks Rick and Ken.
I am not giving up.. was just bummed at the reaction to my playing. Sometimes that is what it takes .. to get the real version of it all from people who are close and have not need to pretend it is good.
I am not confident right now about putting my stuff up.. I will continue to do so after at least it is practiced..no more posting from Sheet or from memory with no practice.
I know its all good and good stuff is happening.
Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato
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One thought for you, Toni.. "fun and practice stuff" can be some of the best stepping stones to "really rehearsed and quality stuff".
Another thought. Get one of your jam-buddies to play your violin with the same set-up as you use to record yourself, so you can find out how much of it is the equipment and how it is placed. That "horn" sound didn't sound to me like it was your playing. I think it is something with your recording gear or how it is set up relative to you and the violin. Maybe the spot in the room, there's a lot of possibilities. But I think your playing, on SF, for example was going good. I think it was the gear or how it was set up letting you down and making it sound a little odd.
"This young wine may have a lot of tannins now, but in 5 or 10 years it is going to be spectacular, despite the fact that right now it tastes like crude oil. You know this is how it is supposed to taste at this stage of development." ~ Itzhak Perlman
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Oh, and as regards the original post..
Much as I don't like playing "defence attorney" for people I don't know who *may* have behaved rudely.. I would have to point out that even if there was a snicker or smirk, it might not have actually been about your playing or meant disrespectfully.
I mean, it does sound like Abby was being amazingly cute. Not impossible that they were reacting to that and not being rude towards your playing.
"This young wine may have a lot of tannins now, but in 5 or 10 years it is going to be spectacular, despite the fact that right now it tastes like crude oil. You know this is how it is supposed to taste at this stage of development." ~ Itzhak Perlman
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Just out of curiosity, what is your honest opinion of those who made the comments?
I'll give you mine afterwards.
"The richest person is not the one who has the most,
but the one who needs the least."
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@coolpinkone must be something in the water, maybe you and I should stick to wine
As you know, I just went through my funk spell too, It happens. Rant, rage and get it out, then get back to work... Ive got big fiddlin plans for us.
And by the way, I LOVE your videos, so you better keep them coming
There is no shame in playing twinkle, youre playing Mozart
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also, a couple sayings I always try, key word, "try" to keep in mind.
"Its not your business what other people think of you"
"when you play, nevermind who listens to you"
There is no shame in playing twinkle, youre playing Mozart
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@Fiddlerman ... Humm. I guess the main person that I felt it fromI love but we are not alike... I just expected more from her.So
musically I don't care what they think... But personally I guess I did.
@Barry it's all good. I know I've work to do. Can't imagine one day without my violin.
@DanielB thank you .. I did not respond as I was letting the post skink out of site. It was just a down side... I will get over it... Even if I became a closet player. 
Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato
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Toni: Do NOT stop posting here! You're doing great! And don't feel like every video you post has to be polished. Just share what you're working, what's inspiring you at the moment, something you want feedback on, it doesn't matter. You're among friends here...friends that are in the same boat.
As for the particular thread where you posted your SSB video, that was a "party." What's a party but a relaxed get together of friends. And if folks bring their instruments to the party to jam, they're gonna share new tunes, etc. so not every note or chord will be perfect, but they'll learn new things and have fun.
And I second what Daniel said about giving your family members the benefit of the doubt. If you heard laughter, it might have been completely unrelated.
When the work's all done and the sun's settin' low,
I pull out my fiddle and I rosin up the bow.
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@Barry and @coolpinkone I was thinking there must be something in the air! I mentioned my jam experience on Barry's thread, I was horrible, just horrible last Tuesday.
I have been working on the suggestion a few in the group have given me, but am I just too slow to be playing in the group.
The more I think about it, I should be very embarrassed about how I played last jam Tuesday. Unless there is some drastic improvement I believe I should not take my violin next week and just sit back and listen. If I take my violin I will just try to play backup.
Please do not stop posting! I think DanielB and KindaScratchy are correct about your family members.
Violinist start date - May 2013
Fiddler start date - May 2014
FIDDLE- Gift from a dear friend. A 1930-40 german copy, of a french copy of a Stradivarius. BOW - $50 carbon fiber. Strings - Dominants with E Pirastro Gold string.
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Schaick said
@Barry and @coolpinkone I was thinking there must be something in the air! I mentioned my jam experience on Barry's thread, I was horrible, just horrible last Tuesday.I have been working on the suggestion a few in the group have given me, but am I just too slow to be playing in the group.
The more I think about it, I should be very embarrassed about how I played last jam Tuesday. Unless there is some drastic improvement I believe I should not take my violin next week and just sit back and listen. If I take my violin I will just try to play backup.
Please do not stop posting! I think DanielB and KindaScratchy are correct about your family members.
Something in the air, water,wine, who knows...lol. But hey, we all had our melt downs about the same time so we did it as a team. each of us WILL be fine, I promise
There is no shame in playing twinkle, youre playing Mozart
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Right on gang!!
I had had an hour practice.. Nice practice... I got out the essentials book and played Pomp and Circ from sheet for practice.. And America the beautiful.
Playing with my wood bow tonight. It was comfy and helped make good sounds.
I also worked on straight bowing with Godfather.
And Thaxted, Swallowtail, and Britches... Good practice and time flew by.
I was not going to stop posting words here.. Or videos.. Just the off the cuff ones.. That look like I have something that makes me stuffy and boring..
It's all good.
Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato
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@ Toni - My experience is that those who make that type of comment, their opinions don't interest me. I have several of those kinds of people in my family and I stopped reading their comments and what they say goes in one ear and out the other. The comment in itself is worthless. Anyone who questions what you do instead of support it is a person with low self-esteem IMAO.
I have made a conscious decision to not hang out with negative people who make me feel bad. If anyone wants to be my friend they need to be positive. Life is too short for that bad energy. I do understand that we can't be positive all the time but I won't tolerate negative all the time from anyone.
"The richest person is not the one who has the most,
but the one who needs the least."
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I for one, am glad you are posting here. Your improvement since the last time I saw you play is an inspiration to me.
I am amazed at how old people of my age are.....
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@coolpinkone, you know what.......I too love your videos! So PLEASE keep posting them.
As far as family and friends being non-supportive are concerned, everyone here has pretty much covered anything I would have said regarding situations like that. And probably said it better.
Try to remember this - No one should ever be given the power to take away from you. It's a great gift to be able to play music, and it's yours.
On another note - This thread, and all of the input, has also been a great reminder.....
Of not having to be perfect all of the time, we're all learning from each other, and what a truly special place we have here.
"Music is what feelings sound like." ~ Author Unknown
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