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Time for some more violin jokes I reckon
Give us one of yours
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (14 votes) 
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Ferret
Byron Bay Australia
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October 22, 2014 - 1:03 am
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I'll start with this one :)

 

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.

He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.

Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?"

Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!"

Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"

Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of dunno ..... What was I saying???? facepalm

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MrYikes
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October 22, 2014 - 6:54 pm
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I was practicing violin and the wife calls to me saying there are two deer eating at the birdfeeder, so I walk to the window and see two deer walking away, I said, "Well it is archery season" and she said "Yeah and you have a bow in your hand".  Just happened.

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Ferret
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October 22, 2014 - 7:55 pm
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MrYikes said
I was practicing violin and the wife calls to me saying there are two deer eating at the birdfeeder, so I walk to the window and see two deer walking away, I said, "Well it is archery season" and she said "Yeah and you have a bow in your hand".  Just happened.

clap

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of dunno ..... What was I saying???? facepalm

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StoneDog
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October 22, 2014 - 9:18 pm
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What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

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DanielB
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October 23, 2014 - 8:06 am
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Why do some violinists put a piece of cloth over their chinrest?

 

A violin doesn't have a spit valve.

"This young wine may have a lot of tannins now, but in 5 or 10 years it is going to be spectacular, despite the fact that right now it tastes like crude oil. You know this is how it is supposed to taste at this stage of development." ~ Itzhak Perlman

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Ferret
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October 23, 2014 - 8:31 am
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DanielB said
Why do some violinists put a piece of cloth over their chinrest?

 

A violin doesn't have a spit valve.

clap

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of dunno ..... What was I saying???? facepalm

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BillyG
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October 23, 2014 - 10:32 am
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Hahah !

So - how can you tell if a violin is being played out of tune ?  

Answer:  The bow is moving..... hmmmm  LOL

I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes.  

Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)

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coolpinkone
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October 23, 2014 - 12:28 pm
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clapexactly ha ha.. good ones.

Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato

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Uzi
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October 23, 2014 - 1:24 pm
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What are notes called that are midway between semi-tones?

Violin solos. 

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright

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Uzi
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October 23, 2014 - 1:28 pm
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Why are viola jokes so short?

Because violinists have to remember them. 

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright

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MrYikes
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October 23, 2014 - 1:55 pm
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LOL good ones.

Two violinists walked into a building.

I would have thought one of them would see it.

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Mad_Wed
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October 23, 2014 - 2:39 pm
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Hahahahahaaaaa! Nice!

- Why this man's standing at the door for so long?

- That's a violinist, he doesn't know what's the key and when to enter.

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cdennyb
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October 23, 2014 - 3:47 pm
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Here's one for Barry...banana

 

A violinist and a violist are standing on a soccer field. In the middle of the field there sits a crisp $100 bill. Who gets there first and grabs it?

The violist. A violinist isn’t going anywhere for only $100.

"If you practice with your hands you must practice all day. Practice with your mind and you can accomplish the same amount in minutes." Nathan Milstein

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DanielB
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October 23, 2014 - 5:32 pm
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How many beginner violinists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

They can't go up that high..

"This young wine may have a lot of tannins now, but in 5 or 10 years it is going to be spectacular, despite the fact that right now it tastes like crude oil. You know this is how it is supposed to taste at this stage of development." ~ Itzhak Perlman

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Fiddlerman
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October 23, 2014 - 6:29 pm
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Good stuff guys. ROFL

"The richest person is not the one who has the most,
but the one who needs the least."

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BillyG
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October 24, 2014 - 1:53 am
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OK...  I'll try a new one - Guitarist and fiddler on stage.  Between songs, guitarist shakes fist at fiddler and angrily whispers "For goodness' sake, play in tune".  Fiddler whispers back "Are you frettening me?"

Ahhhh - well - I tried - but you'll be aware that was just a made-up story, because we all know any display of anger towards a fiddler will be met with a calm, passive response, because, quite simply, fiddlers don't fret about such things.   ( ohhhh... baaaad - I can hear the groans....)

Two for the price of one !

...yup, living up to the "Mad" in my nick...

I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes.  

Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)

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Tyberius
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October 24, 2014 - 4:39 am
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(All made up on the fly - forgive the insult to any and all intelligence out there)

 

How do you hush a conceited violinist? 

Remove one of the strings and take him down a peg.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

5 musicians dressed in suits are all standing in a room. How do you know which one is a violinist?

He's be the one wearing a Bow tie.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

Why do violinist believe in extra-terrestrials?

They've believe and have always been taught "Ros'nWell"  (I know booo - hissss)

  --------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the violinist get a 5 stringed instrument?

He wanted to see what was under a G string.

  --------------------------------------------------------------

How do you play a violin with a broken string ?

Exactly the same.

 -------------------------------------------------------------- 

Why did the violinist keep throwing bugs at his bow?

He thought the frog might be hungry.

  --------------------------------------------------------------

ok that's enough for me. I'm out  of bugs, time to go get some more.

"I find your lack of Fiddle, disturbing" - Darth Vader

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Ferret
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October 24, 2014 - 6:26 am
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Tyberius said
(All made up on the fly - forgive the insult to any and all intelligence out there)

 

How do you hush a conceited violinist? 

Remove one of the strings and take him down a peg.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

5 musicians dressed in suits are all standing in a room. How do you know which one is a violinist?

He's be the one wearing a Bow tie.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

Why do violinist believe in extra-terrestrials?

They've believe and have always been taught "Ros'nWell"  (I know booo - hissss)

  --------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the violinist get a 5 stringed instrument?

He wanted to see what was under a G string.

  --------------------------------------------------------------

How do you play a violin with a broken string ?

Exactly the same.

 -------------------------------------------------------------- 

Why did the violinist keep throwing bugs at his bow?

He thought the frog might be hungry.

  --------------------------------------------------------------

ok that's enough for me. I'm out  of bugs, time to go get some more.

Thanks for that mate.

New jokes thumbs-up

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of dunno ..... What was I saying???? facepalm

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KindaScratchy
Massachusetts
October 24, 2014 - 8:55 am
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Tyberius said
(All made up on the fly - forgive the insult to any and all intelligence out there)

 

How do you hush a conceited violinist? 

Remove one of the strings and take him down a peg.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

5 musicians dressed in suits are all standing in a room. How do you know which one is a violinist?

He's be the one wearing a Bow tie.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

Why do violinist believe in extra-terrestrials?

They've believe and have always been taught "Ros'nWell"  (I know booo - hissss)

  --------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the violinist get a 5 stringed instrument?

He wanted to see what was under a G string.

  --------------------------------------------------------------

How do you play a violin with a broken string ?

Exactly the same.

 -------------------------------------------------------------- 

Why did the violinist keep throwing bugs at his bow?

He thought the frog might be hungry.

  --------------------------------------------------------------

ok that's enough for me. I'm out  of bugs, time to go get some more.

Here you go @Tyberius :

bug-1_gifbug-1_gifbug-1_gifbug-1_gifbug-1_gif

bug-1_gifbug-1_gifbug-1_gifbug-1_gifbug-1_gif

I've been looking for an opportunity to use that emoticon. :)

BTW, funny jokes everyone!

When the work's all done and the sun's settin' low,

I pull out my fiddle and I rosin up the bow.

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