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violin jokes
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (1 votes) 
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risk
littleton, Colorado
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March 28, 2015 - 7:49 pm
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Found this on the web and thought ide share. Someone else started a joke topic but i couldnt find it.

 

Violin Jokes

 

hat's the difference between a violin and a viola?There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?A fiddle is fun to listen to.

Why are viola jokes so short?So violinists can understand them.

 How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?The dog knows when to stop scratching.

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?None. They can't get up that high!

String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."

Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)?Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?Violins don't have spit valves.

Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?You might bend the nail.

A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin."

 

His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"

 

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"

 

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

 

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

 

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

 

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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RedViolin
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March 29, 2015 - 3:57 am
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Great stuff!

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BillyG
Far North-west Scotland
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April 12, 2016 - 10:43 am
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I came up with this one today, following a chat/message to Diane - 

My (own) latest violin joke - here you go "One thing you could never say about a fiddle player who never moves out of first position is 'that guy looks real shifty'" HAHAHAHAAHA - equally - but slightly more obscure and likely to be misunderstood by many - "See that David Garrett - he's a real shifty character" ... STOP NOW, enough already Bill....

I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes.  

Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)

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coolpinkone
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April 12, 2016 - 3:40 pm
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hahahhahahah.. that's soooooo funny....

hahahah.. good job buddy!clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapexactlyexactlyexactly

Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato

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BillyG
Far North-west Scotland
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April 12, 2016 - 3:48 pm
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Somehow, somewhere, in the back of my mind - I just KNEW @coolpinkone  / TCG would like that.... LOL Toni...  hahaha

I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes.  

Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)

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KindaScratchy
Massachusetts
April 12, 2016 - 8:24 pm
Member Since: March 14, 2012
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You're having too much fun with that joke, Bill. Very punny. facepalm rofl

When the work's all done and the sun's settin' low,

I pull out my fiddle and I rosin up the bow.

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coolpinkone
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April 14, 2016 - 3:22 pm
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Well.. "shifty is as shifty does...."   ha ha ha 

Shifty character.... Shifty fingers....shifty eyes... hummmmm

Oh Bill this continues to make me LMAO..moony-2173

Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato

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BillyG
Far North-west Scotland
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April 14, 2016 - 4:14 pm
Member Since: March 22, 2014
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roflolbunny_pole_dancerTCG !    ( not many places I could actually "get away with" referring to Maestro David Garrett as "shifty" and not have my a55 sued off for defamation of character..... hehehehe  ( I can see the legal eagles lining up right now...  but they would't get it... and then I'd get locked up for a BIG fine I couldn't pay)...   I can see my future... state penitentiary...  bread and water... OMG.. gonna take the first place-3596 outta here... LOL

I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes.  

Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)

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