Wal-Mart Shoppers

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife. So he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband snorts: "'So does a case of 24 cans of Budweiser, and it's only half the price."

On the PA system: "'Cleanup on aisle 25. We have a husband down."

Received from Rick Widdison.

Password Audit

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said, "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

Received from Dennis.

Not Hanging Around

O'Reilly was in a bit of a fix. He was filling in an insurance form and was asked to state how his parents had died. His mother was not a problem, she had died of a
coronary at the age of 71, but his father had been hanged for murder at the age of 46.

He did not want to say this, though, so after a bit of thought came up with a solution and filled in the form:

"My father died at the age of 46 when a platform collapsed at a public occasion."

Received from darksplash

A guy broke down along a highway. He then put flowers at both ends of the car.  When someone stoped and asked why he had flowers around his car, he replied. "It don't make no sense to me either but they told me to put flwars in front and behind my car if it broke down."

The Bagpiper

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back
country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace," the
workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Received from dadiodio.