Having played in Malmo Symphony Orchestra so many years, I have great memories of Sixten Ehrling who actually grew up Malmo. MSO was one of his favorite orchestras to conduct. He could make musicians, especially new ones, cry on regular occasions. In his later years we just kind of laughed at his remarks and put downs and he laughed right back. It was as though we finally understood him.

Here are some of the quotes that the Detroit Symphony Orchestra compiled.
Hope that you enjoy them as much as I did.

Pierre

• You call this an orchestra?
• Too loud! You're scaring me!
• It says in the score, "My soul is heavy with sorrow" and I know just what he means.
• I'm so damn happy about that.
• I'll give you an early intermission...so you can practice your parts.
• Can you play this together...approximately?
• It sounded better fortissimo.
• ppp isn't it? At least use two of them.
• Will you be quiet please (foot stomp!!!)
• What do you think this is, an orchestra? You'd better think again.
• That was soft enough, my goodness!
• Don't use col legno...use your head!
• All right, let's try it again. It can always get worse.
• I never heard that before...and I don't want to hear it again, either.
• The balance is not good here. There's too much noise going on for the violins.
• They cannot possibly play wrong. They have rests.
• Can we please have a rehearsal now?
• I don't know what's going on. Hell is loose here again.
• Play it louder. But only if you play it right, otherwise, pianissimo.
• Can I ask you: just move your bows in the right direction.
• Reduced strings for Siegfried Idyll: four, four, three, two and one. And the best players!
• Will you please let me finish the last chord before you start talking?
• (to pianist) See how they...it's impossible!
• Oh my God! That long 'til 3:30!?
• You want to get out of here? Please! So do I!
• Did any of you hear what I just said? No? I didn't expect so.
• Jesus, that's dangerous! You get me all excited, now I have to calm down.
• (ricochet bowing) Some of us have too much technique...they get through it right away.
• See? It pays to like things here.
• Practicing is permitted.
• Is it mezzo-piano? Make it piano. Put it in and use it.
• Gentlemen (woodwinds): I appreciate your trying to cover up (the violas) here, but don't play too loud.
• I hope you're as please to see me as I am to see you.
• I'd like to make an accelerando, for those who want to mark it.
• What I need from you is as many pianos as you can put into the part...this is way too heavy.
• For me it's very easy: I don't make any sound.
• (when the harp didn't play the 2nd chord) It's not that slow.
• You have to specify a little bit.
• The English horn has some grace notes before the beat. Be sure to play it before they come in and kill everything.
• Is it clear what I'm doing? Really? Not to me, it's not.
• Were you playing? (no) I wish you would, it's very nice.
• Was it ok so far?
• I'm going to take this up to tempo and you can take just a moment to look at it during the break.
• Maybe we can't hear what's going on, but we can see it.
• Winds: I'll take that in 4, it's so fast. You don't look at me anyway.
• For some reason we seem to get stuck here. How about that?
• Let's do it again. It can only get worse.
• I'm just interested, has he left for the day?
• Don't slow down. Don't get too sentimental. Leave that to me.
• Am I going too fast? (orchestra: "NOOO!!!") I mean tempo.
• This whole thing is a long flute solo and vice versa.
• I hope everyone is feeling well. Everyone has been so quiet today I can't believe it.
• Don't forget the diminuendo. Don't leave home without it.
• I'm giving it to you now...free!
• I can't count anymore.
• For those who want to practice, the bars between #60-61 and #53-54 are identical. Only practice one spot!
• I don't want anyone to be confused about what I'm doing...except for me.
• (to self) Who can understand what I'm doing!?
• Not too slow! We want to get home!
• It's like a music critic...I don't know where things are.
• We're missing some of the dynamics...but of course some people are seeing these notes for the first time.
• It's only an 8th rest, don't make it half an hour...it's not a break.
• It's always accented, everywhere I hear this piece. Not here, of course.
• (to bass drum) I wish you would throw yourself over that thing and kill it.
• I have to have some excuse to go back.
• It's just one tiny, tiny, thin hair...like mine...late.
• Sounds like porridge.
• At 47 the winds are too loud for the strings. Whether you'd want to hear them, I don't know.
• In the meantime, I'd like the cellos to know where they are.
• You both played an E#, swear to God, or else cut my ears off.
• Come on now, by the time you start to play, the symphony's finished.
• Have you noticed that that is a subito piano?
• It's so dull...sounds like five dollars an hour or something.
• Don't play the tied over notes. They're like enemies of music!
• Well, at least we finished together...that's a good thing.
• If I had to say something in the beginning, in my poor judgement, I would have to say it's mezzo-piano.
• (to cello and oboe) It was very well together...only one pitch was not the same, but I'm not going to make you feel bad about that.
• You might skip the vibrato, as a reward.
• It shouldn't be together...I've never heard it so well together.
• Would you like a cue? What am I doing here? I have nothing better to do.
• I'm talking to myself...you can listen if you want to.
• I think every damned note has a flat except for the ones that have a double flat.
• This must be a Promenade Concert: everybody's walking out.
• OK, is there anything else that you don't like?
• I know you have an artistic advisory committee in this orchestra. You'll tell me if I get too sentimental...
• It's not necessary for you nine players to be in three rows...unless you hate each other or something.
• That was supposed to be a cue, this thing here I did.
• I'm afraid to get too fast because we'll have this oatmeal thing.
• Would you double that? I'd rather not hear 2 flutes than not hear one.
• It comes out like the triplest piano I eaver heard.
• Sounds like oatmeal from the day before yesterday.
• Would it be of any interest to you if I gave you a cue there?
• Wince I last saw you a week ago, I've retired. When you're 65, you retire. So if my tempos seem slower, it's because I've retired.
• Play it even softer...that always impresses audiences.
• It sounds like someone kicking a pile of wood.
• Don't hold that note so long...you could build a house on it.
• We last played this at Meadowbrook in '77 and before that in '76. You see, I keep track of all the crimes we commit.
• Please put an a tempo there for now. You can put the ritenuto back in next week when I'm not here.
• Please! Keep in touch. You may even want to look at me 8 before D.
• It's too heavy here. If you have anything important to say, don't say it here.
• If I don't give a better beat, I'll kill someone.
• I was faster than anybody because I was hearing.