Please participate in our “Let it Snow” Xmas 2020 Group youtube project!”
Fear not on the emotion. Let me try and explain it this way.
When one of "those people" invite you over for something. You have to act like you really truly care. You have to act happy, be involved at least partially in some conversation or another. Forced smiles and forced interests later, you go home. You are tired, drained and are thankful you made it through the event.
Now then, your favorite person asks you to go out or come over or to some event. You fall over yourself to make time. You don't have to try, you are just so over joyed to be with them and experience the event and time with them. It took no effort. It took no planning. You didn't have to stress about the excitement. It just happens. This person wasn't born one of your best friends. You grew into the relationship with them. The same thing with playing. The more you try and force emotion in your playing, the more mechanical and "dead" it sounds. Live with your playing and loosen up while you play. As you really start to hear your music, see your music, you will become attached to what you play. Then, you will see a difference in how you play it.
By all stretches of imagination, I am a novice player at best. I play my 30 songs/bits/pieces and keep chugging along. I can play about 10 really well for my limitations. I am happy with how I play now. When I approach a new piece, I don't ever try and play it in even 5 sittings. More, I listen to it being played 20 or so times by several different people. I hear the changes they make, the mistakes, the inflections they put into it. Then as I start to "see" them play it in my mind, I start on the piece even just 4 or 5 bars at a time.
My goal is to learn 2-4 new pieces a year. I am happy with that. I am more then comfortable learning more, but its a goal I can easily obtain, never be stressed but more importantly... a timeline I can still love playing the violin in. I know others may laugh at my schedule. That is the exact trouble I had. I was laughing at me in a demeaning way for not being able to play like others do. Now, I play a song so many times I can see the fingering and bowing in my mind. Then, adding changes that makes it mine. That is when your emotion starts to come out. When you intimately know the piece. It just starts to happen.
Sorry about the dissertation. hehehe
"I find your lack of Fiddle, disturbing" - Darth Vader