Welcome to our forum. A Message To Our New and Prospective Members . Check out our Forum Rules. Lets keep this forum an enjoyable place to visit.
Log In
Register
Home
Topic RSS
(14 votes) 
Regulars
Offline
I'll start with this one 
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.
He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.
Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?"
Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!"
Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"
Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of 
..... What was I saying???? 
I was practicing violin and the wife calls to me saying there are two deer eating at the birdfeeder, so I walk to the window and see two deer walking away, I said, "Well it is archery season" and she said "Yeah and you have a bow in your hand". Just happened.
Regulars
Offline
MrYikes said
I was practicing violin and the wife calls to me saying there are two deer eating at the birdfeeder, so I walk to the window and see two deer walking away, I said, "Well it is archery season" and she said "Yeah and you have a bow in your hand". Just happened.
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of ..... What was I saying????
Regulars
Offline
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
Members
Offline
Why do some violinists put a piece of cloth over their chinrest?
A violin doesn't have a spit valve.
"This young wine may have a lot of tannins now, but in 5 or 10 years it is going to be spectacular, despite the fact that right now it tastes like crude oil. You know this is how it is supposed to taste at this stage of development." ~ Itzhak Perlman
Regulars
Offline
DanielB said
Why do some violinists put a piece of cloth over their chinrest?
A violin doesn't have a spit valve.
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of ..... What was I saying????
Offline
Hahah !
So - how can you tell if a violin is being played out of tune ?
Answer: The bow is moving..... hmmmm LOL
I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes. D'oh - 
Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)
Offline
ha ha.. good ones.
Vibrato Desperato.... Desperately seeking vibrato
Honorary tenured advisor
Regulars
Offline
What are notes called that are midway between semi-tones?
Violin solos.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright
Honorary tenured advisor
Regulars
Offline
Why are viola jokes so short?
Because violinists have to remember them.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright
LOL good ones.
Two violinists walked into a building.
I would have thought one of them would see it.
Hahahahahaaaaa! Nice!
- Why this man's standing at the door for so long?
- That's a violinist, he doesn't know what's the key and when to enter.
Regulars
Offline
Here's one for Barry...
A violinist and a violist are standing on a soccer field. In the middle of the field there sits a crisp $100 bill. Who gets there first and grabs it?
The violist. A violinist isn’t going anywhere for only $100.
"If you practice with your hands you must practice all day. Practice with your mind and you can accomplish the same amount in minutes." Nathan Milstein
Members
Offline
How many beginner violinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
They can't go up that high..
"This young wine may have a lot of tannins now, but in 5 or 10 years it is going to be spectacular, despite the fact that right now it tastes like crude oil. You know this is how it is supposed to taste at this stage of development." ~ Itzhak Perlman
Offline
Good stuff guys. ROFL
"The richest person is not the one who has the most,
but the one who needs the least."
Offline
OK... I'll try a new one - Guitarist and fiddler on stage. Between songs, guitarist shakes fist at fiddler and angrily whispers "For goodness' sake, play in tune". Fiddler whispers back "Are you frettening me?"
Ahhhh - well - I tried - but you'll be aware that was just a made-up story, because we all know any display of anger towards a fiddler will be met with a calm, passive response, because, quite simply, fiddlers don't fret about such things. ( ohhhh... baaaad - I can hear the groans....)
Two for the price of one !
...yup, living up to the "Mad" in my nick...
I seriously recommend not copying my mistakes. D'oh -
Please make your own, different mistakes, and help us all learn :-)
Regulars
Offline
(All made up on the fly - forgive the insult to any and all intelligence out there)
How do you hush a conceited violinist?
Remove one of the strings and take him down a peg.
--------------------------------------------------------------
5 musicians dressed in suits are all standing in a room. How do you know which one is a violinist?
He's be the one wearing a Bow tie.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why do violinist believe in extra-terrestrials?
They've believe and have always been taught "Ros'nWell" (I know booo - hissss)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the violinist get a 5 stringed instrument?
He wanted to see what was under a G string.
--------------------------------------------------------------
How do you play a violin with a broken string ?
Exactly the same.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the violinist keep throwing bugs at his bow?
He thought the frog might be hungry.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ok that's enough for me. I'm out of bugs, time to go get some more.
"I find your lack of Fiddle, disturbing" - Darth Vader
Regulars
Offline
Tyberius said
(All made up on the fly - forgive the insult to any and all intelligence out there)
How do you hush a conceited violinist?
Remove one of the strings and take him down a peg.
--------------------------------------------------------------
5 musicians dressed in suits are all standing in a room. How do you know which one is a violinist?
He's be the one wearing a Bow tie.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why do violinist believe in extra-terrestrials?
They've believe and have always been taught "Ros'nWell" (I know booo - hissss)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the violinist get a 5 stringed instrument?
He wanted to see what was under a G string.
--------------------------------------------------------------
How do you play a violin with a broken string ?
Exactly the same.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the violinist keep throwing bugs at his bow?
He thought the frog might be hungry.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ok that's enough for me. I'm out of bugs, time to go get some more.
Thanks for that mate.
New jokes 
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of ..... What was I saying????
Offline
Tyberius said
(All made up on the fly - forgive the insult to any and all intelligence out there)
How do you hush a conceited violinist?
Remove one of the strings and take him down a peg.
--------------------------------------------------------------
5 musicians dressed in suits are all standing in a room. How do you know which one is a violinist?
He's be the one wearing a Bow tie.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why do violinist believe in extra-terrestrials?
They've believe and have always been taught "Ros'nWell" (I know booo - hissss)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the violinist get a 5 stringed instrument?
He wanted to see what was under a G string.
--------------------------------------------------------------
How do you play a violin with a broken string ?
Exactly the same.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the violinist keep throwing bugs at his bow?
He thought the frog might be hungry.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ok that's enough for me. I'm out of bugs, time to go get some more.
Here you go @Tyberius :
I've been looking for an opportunity to use that emoticon.
BTW, funny jokes everyone!
When the work's all done and the sun's settin' low,
I pull out my fiddle and I rosin up the bow.
1 Guest(s)
Mouse
ELCBK
Fiddlerman