I'm so sorry.
I hope that it'll wake up some of your family.
Thank you, Mandy.
I was preaching about the hazards of smoking when I was a kid. No one took me seriously back then. As a young adult, my warnings were just annoying to them, so I eventually stopped nagging them about it.
I think some did quite smoking after Granddad died, but not many, and not right away.
Perhaps, a few more will take this more seriously now, but I am pretty sure there are some who will keep on smoking no matter what.
I never liked cigarettes. I always found the smoke obnoxious, and it made me feel ill those times I experimented with them. They always said that feeling sick part would fade, but somehow, I doubted that was true for me.
As a kid, I had a lot of headaches, and I was sick a lot. It was only when I got out on my own that my health started to improve, and the headaches started to lighten up, except when the stresses of life weigh too heavy.
Then, after a time away from family, and going back to visit, and finding myself in a room filled with the stench of cigarette smoke, feelings of illness came back hard. First the burning in my nasal passages and bronchial tube, and then the headache that just keeps getting worse.
Time away from exposure to second hand smoke did not make me more able to deal with it, if anything, it reduced my ability to deal with it. It became clear to me that I was allergic to cigarettes, and always had been.
Now, just standing next to someone who has smoked recently causes burning in my airways. It is painfully uncomfortable to me.
This, among other things, caused me to stay away from family more and more over time. They did not understand, but what else could I do. Smokers generally do not get that others may have real problems with their smoking. Not just a dislike, but an actual health issue, even from second and third hand smoke.
They still resist the thought that there could be anything wrong with their habit though. So they are probably not going to stop, even when others they know and love start dying all around them.
I can understand how stubborn family can be. My grandfather continued to puff away on his cigarettes even after having one of his own lungs removed because of cancer. I never understood that. His kids all continued to smoke, too.
I've never been able to tolerate the smell of smoke, either. I hate it when I end up driving behind someone smoking, just pulls that smell into my car and I can't escape it.
World's Okayest Fiddler
Sad to hear this MACJR. What you say about the violin relaxing you is what many members and myself included feel about playing the violin. We can leave our thoughts and troubles aside for at least a while.
I hope your mother doesn't need to suffer much.
Sorry for the later reply. Just needed some time away, I guess.
Yes, playing is a nice little escape. It gives me something else to focus on for a bit. I am back to regular practice sessions now, although I have had to shorten them a bit as I continue a fight with my backup computer. I am still trying to find the root of the problem with that old PC. Changing the CPU seemed to help, at first, but in the end, it turned out not to be the solution either.
Anyway, Mom is home now, which is a long trip from where I live, so I will probably never see her again. Her parting gift from the hospital that she was staying at in Seattle was a case of the bird flue. One of the nurses came in sick and spread it around.
I hope she gets over the flu fast enough to allow for at least some time of a somewhat normal life before the cancer progress too far for her to enjoy anything anymore.
After that last reply, I ended up setting practice aside for a time after all. I required time to think about things, and make myself busy with some things that needed done.
One thing I had to do was get my backup PC working again, but I finally found what the problem was with that machine, and it was a fatal hardware issue for that PC. One of the CPU cooler push-pins had come loose, or had been improperly set in the first place (which would be on me, since I was the one who installed that CPU). That had caused the motherboard under the CPU to get too hot, and it was damaged. The damaged part of the motherboard contoled voltage regulation, so my RAM chips were getting fried, and a hard drive also went bad.
Anyway, what is, is. So I pulled the motherboard and switched in a newer, better, motherboard, and then had to wait until I could budget in a new copy of Windows 10 (the old copy died with the previous motherboard - I really hate OEM Windows versions, blast it).
Once I got the new backup computer up and running, with a fresh copy of Windows 10, and setup that machine, I then moved on to organizing my work folders on my main PC, a project that is still going on now, but I am nearly done with that and ready to start my next project, family tree research, and scanning old family pictures.
I was hoping to have time to get more pictures scanned so I could share them with Mom before she passed on... but I ran out of time, much faster than anyone had guessed.
Mom died on March 7th, which was exactly one month after I found out she was in the hospital, and less than a month after her cancer diagnosis.
Their early estimates were that she would have about six months if she took treatments, and about three if she did not. Mom refused treatments, and she didn't even have a month left anyway.
So I have been keeping myself busy, and thinking about things, and neglecting my violin practice, but I did start back playing yesterday. It was just a short session, but it was a new beginning. I plan to keep up with my practice sessions now.
I still have a lot of work to do, that I still plan to do, but I can make time for the violin too.
I'm so sorry for your loss (((hugs))). We lost my aunt 10 years ago quickly like that, diagnosed and passed away in less than two months. She did take treatments, but she didn't react well to them and they sadly sped her along.
Cancer is such an evil thing, that I think doesn't leave any family untouched anymore.
Take care of yourself and hope you find peace in your violin practice.
World's Okayest Fiddler
Thanks, damfino, it was nice to get back to playing, even if it was just a short session yesterday.
I heaped a heavy workload on after Mom got ill, so it has been hard to find time for playing. At least I did get a lot done in a relatively short period of time.
Anyway, it is time to relax at least a little now, and play more.
Sorry you lost her.
On the other hand, going quickly means less time for pain, and from your description, her attitude seems to have been much like someone on a train looking out the window and saying "Yup, this is definitely my stop." There are far worse ways to approach it.
Hope you recover well and soon.
Thanks, Fiddlerman, Charles, and Fran.
Well, Charles, she was in denial at first, and definitely did not feel ready to die, but I guess that she accepted that it was going to happen anyway.
And yes, it was quick, so she did not have to suffer long. By the time the symptoms became a problem for her, the cancer was so far advanced that she just didn't have much time left. We were all still trying to get used to the idea that she was going to die, and then she was gone.
Yes, Fran, I am trying to be good to myself. I have been taking it somewhat easy, although, the amount of work I have been doing may seem like I am doing anything but taking it easy, the truth is that keeping busy is relaxing for me, as long as I like what I am doing. Staying busy also helps me find other things to think about, other than the things that hurt.
As for playing the violin, I have been sticking with my lessons now that I am back to playing. I am still shaking off some of the rust that developed, but the break from playing was not too long a time, so there is not a whole lot of rust to contend with. Still, I am not quite all the way back to where I was before the break yet.
I did my second Fiddlershop order today. Just another small order, but some things I need. A second mute, a couple sound post tools, and one more fitted Teller bridge.
I still have not installed the bridges, or Fiddlerman Strings, from my last order, but I may do that soon. I had misunderstood the number of bridges I was ordering last time, and that left me one short. Now, with this order, I will have what I need to get to work on upgrading the bridges on all three of my violins.
The sound post tools are for just in case I knock loose a sound post or two while I am doing string and bridge work.
Anyway, life goes on for the living. Best to keep busy while I still can.