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Hilarious rehearsal quotes
Ah, the life of a musician...
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (2 votes) 
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Gordon Shumway
London, England
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October 6, 2019 - 5:44 am
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My memory isn't good enough to play this game, but our conductor is a sweet, witty old man. I have a Zoom H1n. I don't know if I want to record whole rehearsals.

We are playing Puccini's Chrysanthemums, Sibelius' Andante Festivo and Vaughan Williams' Charterhouse Suite. He regularly jokes that VW deliberately wrote the suite for the school orchestra to make their lives hell.

In the case of Puccini, he's "suspicious of him: he boasted that in the morning he wrote music to make the women cry. ...Then in the afternoon he went out and shot rabbits". He, like others, prefers Verdi, and I've been told I have no taste, for preferring Donizetti to Verdi, but my teacher sides with me.

Andrew

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AndrewH
Sacramento, California
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December 3, 2019 - 4:51 am
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November 2019, semi-pro orchestra

Program:
Qing Yang, Alice
Brahms, German Requiem

"Sorry, I was distracted for a moment thinking, is this 'My Heart Will Go On'? It was very Titanic."

"If this happens at the concert, I will roll my eyes and shake my head in disappointment..." (sotto voce) "...that the chorus can't belt it out..."

"Super hardcore sul tasto here. Not everyone has to make a functional sound. We'll just drop a silky veil over our entire lives."

"You have done more in terms of experimenting with this sound than most professional orchestras in the world. They would be like, 'What's next, will you want us to use gut strings?'"

"Think of the world's biggest rock skipping on the lake."

(orchestra rushes the end of a movement)
"Why are you so adamant about finishing early? I know you all want to go home..."

"I ate one measure. Sorry. I might not do it again, but I might do it again."

"The person in front of you needs to get wet. It needs to be more joyful!" (this was directed at the chorus)

"You're still dry! If I don't see saliva, you're not pronouncing the 't' enough."

"Selig..." (noise from conductor's music stand) "Siri, stop it! My phone goes crazy when I speak German."

"If you think about the Salvador Dalí painting with the melting clocks, that's the effect we're looking for."

 

I'm subbing in a community orchestra playing a Messiah sing-along this week. It's on just one rehearsal, so I can already post quotes -- there will be no more rehearsals.

"This year we are not doing number 19, 'His Yoke Is Easy,' because it's not."

"Lean on the upper note and make them suffer. Enjoy the suffering! And wear a white powdered wig while you're doing it."

"Be fat. Cholesterol!"

(to soprano soloist)
"He [bass soloist] has to go back to San Jose tonight, so there's a change of rehearsal order. You have plenty of time... enough to get a pizza. Pizza's good for the voice, isn't it?"

Conductor (gesturing at empty seat): I assume Suzanna will be here?
Violinist: No, she won't. She's in Maine.
Conductor: She can commute.

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Gordon Shumway
London, England
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December 3, 2019 - 12:06 pm
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Nothing much that I can remember Except perhaps -

"For it to sound as though it's in Ab, it helps to play your Ds flat, but perhaps I'm being picky".

"Where it says p, consider the possibility of playing piano, will you?"

Andrew

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AndrewH
Sacramento, California
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December 9, 2019 - 9:34 pm
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From a chamber music rehearsal on Saturday (we're preparing the Glazunov string quintet for a house concert in January):

"From the Prestissimo to the end I think we can play it irresponsibly fast."
"Irresponsibly fast. That's what I'll write in."

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starise
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December 10, 2019 - 11:47 am
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I guess they finally found a way to replace the conductor.

conductor.jpg

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GregW
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December 10, 2019 - 12:30 pm
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ahh yes.. a historical photo of the late great Vernon Braun Airman conducting Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring" 

 

****disclaimer- googled classical pieces with dramatic tempo changes.  went with first result***

hats_offcoffee1facepalm

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starise
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December 10, 2019 - 1:58 pm
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LOL. 

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Fiddlerman
Fort Lauderdale
December 10, 2019 - 8:02 pm
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LOL

"The richest person is not the one who has the most,
but the one who needs the least."

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